electro-web

Four policemen are currently walking down the Gatwick Express carriages. Three are heavily armed, one has a sniffer dog. There are two others on the platform, also heavily armed.

I’m terrified. Not because there could be a potential terrorist on the train – I literally bet my life that there isn’t, though there could well be several trained electricians.

No, I’m terrified because I can see five very big guns. The sight of big guns does not calm me. What kind of place have we become when it’s ok to have armed police wandering around busy tourist and commuter trains?

I’m just back from the world’s greatest music event… I’ll no-doubt post a few thoughts when I regain the ability to think, but until then here’s a few snaps from around the sun-scorched site…

If the slideshow doesn’t work, browse my Picasa album here.

A few quick snaps from a stroll along the pier…

I’ve blogged before about rail rip-offs. A couple of times. Here’s another.

Last Friday, I planned to go up on the train to see my parents. My wife was joining us the following morning, and we’d drive back together.

I booked about 10 or 14 days ahead, buying my rail ticket for a single journey. I used to get the trains a lot, and I know there have always been myriad fares, but aside from peak/off-peak they used to fall into three basic types:

• Book early, very early, and it might be stupidly cheap. Non-refundable, you can’t change the train, but you can get the length of the country for a tenner. Hardly any available so be quick.
• Advance fares, bookable up to a few days before. Not cheap but at least they’re not…
• Walk-on, full fares. Eye-wateringly expensive. Don’t both buying them, hire a private jet instead.

A return to my parents place should cost around £60-£70 if you book a bit in advance, and you can get it cheaper if you find the cheap fares. This time, I wasn’t early enough. So I booked a single journey for £29. Not cheap.

Last Friday, I was ill. I didn’t use the ticket. So, this week I enquired about a refund. As per my previous experience, I expected them to extract £10 ‘admin’ fee from me for the privilege of not having provided a service.

But I was told my ticket was non-refundable. There’s a new type of ticket, called “advance” which is a single, one-way ticket. It can’t be refunded. It can be changed or altered before the date, but not refunded.

Single tickets have always been a scam, being generally 98% of the price of a return. But more recently the booking forms always offer you single fares, allowing you to mix and match your journey, with more expensive trains for one leg if necessary. These single fares start at 50% of the price of the cheapest return. You’d think that was the sensible way of doing it, but it seems it’s designed to catch you out.

Booking the same journey now for a few weeks time, I’m offered single tickets at £29. It just says “Cheapest Standard Single” and doesn’t mention restrictions.

You have to click “View All Single Fares” to load up a list of different options to see that the £29 has refund restrictions. Why would you “View All Single Fares” if you’re being told that the cheapest ticket is available on the train you want? The fare without restrictions is just £4 more. Why would you think, without checking, that a train for £29 is a super-special offer that can’t be refunded, while the next train at £33 isn’t? Indeed, the £29 train isn’t offered at £33, unless you actively choose to see more expensive fares. Which you wouldn’t.

There isn’t even one price-point for the “advance” fare. Some trains are £22. So you can’t even assume it’s not the cheapest fare, so it’s ok.

The rail fares system, in it’s infinite complexity, with countless intricate cases of restrictions, peak times and uniquely devious loopholes, specifically designed to trick people.

Filthy, devious, cheating, thieving, scum-bags.

1. It’s just a game. Really, it is. Nothing important will happen if your team wins, nothing terrible will happen if your team loses. The outcome is no more or less consequential to anything than Eurovision.

2. Sport is not news. By all means, have a few minutes after the news to discuss it if you must, but it’s not news in any real sense. Equating sport with news is a bit patronising to the people killed/kidnapped/diseased/left in poverty on the real news.

3. There are some people who don’t give a shit. They are not wrong. They are not misguided. Saying “Oh but come on, it’s really exciting” is not going to make them suddenly think it’s really exciting, anymore than someone saying “But just look at that cross-stitch” is going to convert you to needlecraft. They are not ‘miserable’ or ‘kill-joys’ any more than you’re a grumpy kill-joy for not following the sheepdog trials.

4. There is nothing patriotic about supporting a football team. There is nothing unpatriotic about not supporting a football team. There is also nothing wrong with not being patriotic at all. Indeed, some might think that a more enlightened position.

5. Flying little flags on your car/house just makes you look a bit of tit, to be honest.

6. Enjoy your tournament. I mean it. Have a great time. But please shut up about it. We don’t need wall to wall speculation, gossip, updates, changes, previews, reviews, replays and endless hype. There’s no need to take over every TV and radio show, every newspaper, every website and every magazine. You’ve got your sports pages, you’ve got your bit at the end of the news, you’ve got acres of coverage every summer when there aren’t even any games on. What more do you want? Watch the games. Cheer at the goals. Get on with your lives.

7. There are literally loads of other things happening this summer, bringing just as much joy to the people involved, but you probably haven’t noticed most of them.